TAMMY WRITES LIFE

As we go through life we must hear a million times or more from others that we are this person or that person or we should be this way or that way. From teachers, parents, friends and even those who barely know us, they all have an opinion to give about the person they think we are and the person they want us to be! Sadly its human nature to want to label others and to put everyone in a box or category but a wise human being like you is aware that you cannot be defined in one way as we are all very unique and complex individuals and we cannot be compared.  However if you try to fight everyone who tries to define you as one thing or another or tell you what you should be you will become exhausted and you even may act out of character in the opposite extreme to make your point that they are not getting you which may come across as insincere and not a true reflection of who you are and likely to make them reinforce that they have the right opinion of you as they will

Responsibility  is an important  value  to teach because no one can succeed in life if they are not  responsible . ... Without  responsibility , they will leave things undone and get in trouble. Many people believe that by taking responsibility and sorting out the issues on behalf of the people who they care about is their duty if they are in a position to do so and if they are able to sort out everything they can for this person without having to let it impact them or even cause a ripple in that person's life then they will have done right by them. 'Guilty'!!! Being the eldest of four siblings, this is something that I have done regularly over the years and I still find it hard to back off at times even to this day despite my siblings all being in their forties now! The need to take responsibility for others comes from a place of caring and wanting to make it easier for others so the motives for this are often sincere (if not a little controlling at t

I am pleased to say that I have been provided with my own space on Quora for 'Tammy Writes Life' publications and debates which is open to all for asking questions or comments; Please feel free to use the space to ask questions and address issues that are important to you by clicking on the link below.. https://www.quora.com/q/jnbuktjdhlsvkmlf?ch=10&share=af4cabbe&srid=uFolO Quora is a question-and-answer website where questions are asked, answered, edited and organized by its community of users. The company was founded in June 2009, and the website was made available to the public on June 21, 2010. Quora aggregates questions and answers to topics. Users can collaborate by editing questions and suggesting edits to other users’ answers

Self talk! Inner dialogue! Internal speech! Voice in your head! Inner monologue!  Whatever you choose to call it, we all have this voice going on inside our head every single second of our lives but despite this constant inner dialogue many of us are not really aware of it consciously or do we actually take the time to even listen properly to how we self talk!   We just accept what we are saying to ourselves and just go with it without ever considering to question it or to assess whether it is doing us more harm than good! Quite often than not we are our own worst enemies!  We have the self awareness on occasions to recognize that if we spend too much time with negative people then it has a negative effect on us and our mood and so we decide to distance ourselves from them but we rarely listen to what we are saying to ourselves!  Sadly most of us are our biggest critics and the ones who are the most unkind to us. You make a mistake for instance,  so y

When you set personal boundaries these must be in areas that you have total conviction and believe in because they are important to you and at the very centre of your core values upon which you live your life. Therefore they need to be strong and apply to everyone who you allow into your life and things that you are not prepared to compromise on. For example if you value honesty then you will set a personal boundary that you will not accept being lied to by another and the consequences for them doing so is that you will cut them out of your life. To feel confident about setting personal boundaries you must ensure that these things really matter to you, know why they matter to you and be clear about what the consequences are should these boundaries be crossed. Lastly for you to set boundaries that you expect to be honoured then you will have to be able to respect and honour these things in your conduct with others as you cannot have double standards when it comes to

I know it's an old cliche but you have to be able to love and trust yourself first. When you can do this then you will know that you will always be able to rely upon yourself to get through anything and you will take responsibility for your own life and happiness therefore you don't have to take any unnecessary risks to invest all your love and trust in another to make you happy. Being able to trust yourself and your ability to make the important decisions in life that are right for you will mean that you will not have any need to trust or rely upon others with the big things in life which will make it less scary because you will only be willing to and need to trust them with the little things initially that will not have a major impact on you should they prove to be untrustworthy as you will have managed damage limitation and know not to trust them again with no real harm done. Those that prove they are worthy of your trust and love you will be able to give further

The first time I experienced the end of a relationship I thought that I would never get over it or would I ever survive from the pain of my broken heart.. I thought my world had ended and all anyone could say to me was you will get over it in time but I didn't believe them and it was of no help or comfort to me whatsoever as how could they possibly know that! However they were right and in time I did get over it.. Since then I have found myself in that very same situation time and time again but even in the knowledge that I did get over it once before when I really thought that I wouldn't, every time I have found myself in this situation again, I still have the same feelings of I will never get over it as this time it is different from before! However with time yet again I do get over it! So how do we get over it? The loss of a relationship is very similar to the grieving process in that we mourn for the loss of that relationship and all the hopes and dreams we onc

 Fear!!  You cant live with it and you can't live without it! Fear is the emotion that we all fear! .... Yep I'm stating the bloody obvious and attempting to be funny at the same time.... oh well, cue the tumble weed.. but I will try to redeem myself and not get my coat just yet! So that old devil called fear. What's it all about? Well fear, believe it or not, is actually a positive emotion that is designed to protect us and when we feel it, it gives us a strength to override all other feelings in favour of the natural instincts that are in us all to ensure that we automatically respond to protect ourselves from the perceived threat in one of three ways; Freeze Flight  Fight  To feel fear means that you must have some hope that you can survive the danger that you are faced with! When you have no hope of escaping from the threat then you will accept this and fear will not be triggered in you. But... Yes there is always a but! The problem is tha

Well who the hell knows what a good relationship looks like as one size fits all can not possibly apply in this case for something so unique to two people who are deeply in love with each other and in a relationship with their soulmate who is perfect for them and only them!  Right? Whatever!!  I say this in a way that is not as flippant as you may think as what I mean is to a degree whatever you truly feel is right for you in a relationship may well be right as not everyone is of healthy mind so what is deemed to be a healthy relationship will almost certainly not be right for those who are screwed up which to be fair is of a higher percentage than those who are certified as sane! Or should I say were sane before they fell crazy in love! I will admit that over the years my idea of what makes a good relationship has changed from one extreme to the other, has turned inside out, upside down, gone far left then right and has done a 360 degree turn so many times that I have wanted

Believe it or not, many people are very easy to read when it comes down to trying to find out whether they have betrayed you in a relationship by the way they react when they are presented with your concerns about the situation that has caused you to doubt them enough to question it!  However this very much depends upon the way you go about it! Despite the overwhelming desire to rush in on a whim and act on impulse in these situations, this is not usually the most conducive way to get to the truth and you have to be smart about it and keep your emotions under control just long enough for you to get your head around it all by listening to your gut instinct and then gathering some evidence that points to your doubts having some substance to make you understand the reasons why your gut feeling is telling you that something is not quite right!  I am totally convinced that you can always trust your own instincts when they are trying to alert you to the fact that something is not rig