The key to having a good relationship! Whatever!

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Well who the hell knows what a good relationship looks like as one size fits all can not possibly apply in this case for something so unique to two people who are deeply in love with each other and in a relationship with their soulmate who is perfect for them and only them!

 Right?

Whatever!!

 I say this in a way that is not as flippant as you may think as what I mean is to a degree whatever you truly feel is right for you in a relationship may well be right as not everyone is of healthy mind so what is deemed to be a healthy relationship will almost certainly not be right for those who are screwed up which to be fair is of a higher percentage than those who are certified as sane! Or should I say were sane before they fell crazy in love!

I will admit that over the years my idea of what makes a good relationship has changed from one extreme to the other, has turned inside out, upside down, gone far left then right and has done a 360 degree turn so many times that I have wanted to stop the world and get off.

Looking back and without any regret may I add, I now see that some of the relationships that I believed at the time to be conducted perfectly were very bad and the bad ones that I felt were torture in hindsight were probably more healthy than I thought.

For instance my first love which technically was not my first love as I thought I was in love at the age of 12 when I had a long term relationship with a boy at school of 3 months and who was the one that I had committed to as being the only person who I would ever slow dance with and kiss at the end of every school disco for the rest of my life!

So my first real love and relationship I class as the first grown up one that I was mature enough to have from the age of 15 to 19 with a boy who was 2 years older than me.

This relationship was right at the time because we saw each other every day and had the same group of friends. We were so in love and in the perfect  relationship because we couldn't have a moment apart, did everything together and would have died for each other! We had to say I love you every time we parted even if we were just going to the toilet and we had to hold hands or have our arms around each other every second that we were together!

Now I look back in amazement as to how it lasted so long and how one of us didn't die from smothering or suffocation!

It was the most perfect relationship at the time and the envy of all our friends but in reality it was probably the best example of what I now see as an extreme version of the worst kind of relationship and as unhealthy as it gets. It was obsessive and we both were too clingy and dependent upon each other. However at the time it worked for me and him as we were both in the same place and young and needy but I know that it would be my worst nightmare now and probably his too!

My point being that your requirements for a successful relationship are not set in stone or the same for life and are not dependent upon your love or compatibility with the partner at that time but are more congruent with your needs and requirements at that particular time in your life and whether it's the same type of relationship that you both want at the time which will determine if its right for you both which makes it as healthy as it can be for a relationship that is considered unhealthy in reality. The  compatibility being based upon you both being in a similar unhealthy position in terms of how much you have grown as a person and where your level of acceptance for who you are is at.

Those who both have a healthy self esteem are aware that a good relationship does not mean that you feel the need to be half of someone else in order to be complete.

So what I think is the right ingredient for a healthy relationship is  when you have no need for another and you are happy and content with yourself in life and you can live perfectly well without them!

This is where I am now and I only want a relationship with someone who doesn't need me and is happy and content with themselves so that I am not their whole world and they can be perfectly happy in life with or without me in it and not dependent upon me to be their only source for contentment.





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