You will get over the breakup

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The first time I experienced the end of a relationship I thought that I would never get over it or would I ever survive from the pain of my broken heart.. I thought my world had ended and all anyone could say to me was you will get over it in time but I didn't believe them and it was of no help or comfort to me whatsoever as how could they possibly know that!

However they were right and in time I did get over it..

Since then I have found myself in that very same situation time and time again but even in the knowledge that I did get over it once before when I really thought that I wouldn't, every time I have found myself in this situation again, I still have the same feelings of I will never get over it as this time it is different from before!

However with time yet again I do get over it!

So how do we get over it?

The loss of a relationship is very similar to the grieving process in that we mourn for the loss of that relationship and all the hopes and dreams we once had for that relationship:

There are 5 main stages that we need to go through in order to heal and we don't necessarily go through them in the same order.

These stages are:

Denial and disbelief that it is really
over

Anger and hurt

Bargaining and going through the what if, should have, could have done differently scenarios

Depression at the realisation that all is lost and there is no hope for you ever having that relationship again

Acceptance of the end of the relationship and that we have to move forward

Sadly there is no fast forward button and we have no choice but to go through these stages to reach the other side and for some this process is longer than for others.

The length of time that it takes to get over a relationship can be anything between 6 weeks to 2 years depending upon the severity of that relationship however I believe that a realistic and healthy period of time to heal and move on from it is around a year for most!

Hang in there as you will get over it and heal and you will see that it was the best thing that could have happened to you in the end!

How to get over it...!

It will need a period of adjustment for you to get used to things as they are now but you can only do this one day at a time ..

..when you start projecting too far into the future with thoughts of never wanting another relationship again in your life or thinking that you will feel like this forever, this will only make it harder for you and you will feel more despair and it will feel impossible for you to even try to move on.

Accept that you are not just mourning the loss of your relationship but also the loss of the dreams and hopes that you once had about your future together!

 This doesn't mean that you will never be happy again or have other dreams!

 Although it doesn't seem like it right now, there is always a positive to every negative and you have to try and find the positives as they are there!  When you were in the relationship I am sure you had times when you wished for time to do things that you enjoy such as small things like taking a bubble bath or having a pampering session such as giving yourself a facial or deep conditioning your hair or watching your favourite movie or listening to your favourite music with a glass of wine…

 ..now you can do these things and you should be doing them.

 In fact you should be treating yourself kindly and doing something that is special for yourself every day for the foreseeable future at the moment and then you will have something to look forward to every day!

 Write a bucket list of all the things that you want to do but you couldn't when you were in your relationship.

 Cry when you want to, get angry about it when you want to and allow yourself to grieve for the loss of your relationship and the future you thought you had as you will have to go through the stages before you can get to the other side!

 These five stages are;

 Disbelief and denial when you are thrown into a situation that you don't want to be in but you have to adjust to.

 Then comes anger and despair that you have to be in this situation

 Next it's the dwelling in the past on the would have, could have, should have scenarios and you wish that you could go back and do things differently but you cant

 This leads to the feelings of hopelessness and depression that you cant do anything about it and you feel like you are destined to live a life of misery and gloom but when you get here you start to accept it…

 Hooray for you as when you have reached acceptance you have made it to the final stage and you are well on your way to moving on and you find yourself feeling like perhaps it was for the best after all!




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