Setting personal boundaries

-

When you set personal boundaries these must be in areas that you have total conviction and believe in because they are important to you and at the very centre of your core values upon which you live your life.

Therefore they need to be strong and apply to everyone who you allow into your life and things that you are not prepared to compromise on.

For example if you value honesty then you will set a personal boundary that you will not accept being lied to by another and the consequences for them doing so is that you will cut them out of your life.

To feel confident about setting personal boundaries you must ensure that these things really matter to you, know why they matter to you and be clear about what the consequences are should these boundaries be crossed.

Lastly for you to set boundaries that you expect to be honoured then you will have to be able to respect and honour these things in your conduct with others as you cannot have double standards when it comes to boundaries.



Comments

Post a Comment

All comments are appreciated both positive and negative feedback are of great value... thanks for taking your time to comment

Popular posts

Innocent or Guilty!

-
Image
Believe it or not, many people are very easy to read when it comes down to trying to find out whether they have betrayed you in a relationship by the way they react when they are presented with your concerns about the situation that has caused you to doubt them enough to question it!  However this very much depends upon the way you go about it! Despite the overwhelming desire to rush in on a whim and act on impulse in these situations, this is not usually the most conducive way to get to the truth and you have to be smart about it and keep your emotions under control just long enough for you to get your head around it all by listening to your gut instinct and then gathering some evidence that points to your doubts having some substance to make you understand the reasons why your gut feeling is telling you that something is not quite right!  I am totally convinced that you can always trust your own instincts when they are trying to alert you to the fact that something i...
Read more

How do you really feel, not how you think you should feel! Know your emotions?

-
Image
One of the biggest eye openers for me in life was learning that it was healthy to have and express negative feelings and emotions! Anger, sadness, hurt and even fear! Not only did I deny these emotions in myself but I was also of the opinion that it was wrong for others to express them. Believing in a whole lot of things that I had heard or been taught along the way such as; 'Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone!' 'Noone wants to be around you if your unhappy' 'Noone wants to be burdened with your problems' 'Negative people just bring you down' 'Anger is so ugly to see and is a sign of weakness' 'Unless you are always upbeat and happy, people will not want you around' 'The moment you get angry you have already lost the argument' 'People lose all respect for you when you cry like a baby' 'Its better to show no emotion when someone hurts you than give them the satisfaction th...
Read more

Judging me? No judging you!

-
Image
Over the years I have learned  a lot about people and how you can see who they really are! Many people are not what they claim to be especially those that have to constantly make statements claiming they are who they  say they are, which says to me, that's not what you are! 'What you see is what you get!' 'I'm straight up!' 'I say it as it is!' 'You can trust me, I'm honest!' You know the type! It's the first thing they tell you on meeting them... by the  third, fourth fifth time you can be sure that you will definitely remember them for it but it has the reverse effect and by the end of your first encounter, the doubts have crept in as to their sincerity as if they really are as they keep claiming to be then why do they feel the need to convince me of it! May be  because they are not completely convinced of it themself! The best way by far I have found to get the real measure of a person's character is by  how they ...
Read more

Your biggest enemy may be dwelling between your ears!

-
Image
Self talk! Inner dialogue! Internal speech! Voice in your head! Inner monologue!  Whatever you choose to call it, we all have this voice going on inside our head every single second of our lives but despite this constant inner dialogue many of us are not really aware of it consciously or do we actually take the time to even listen properly to how we self talk!   We just accept what we are saying to ourselves and just go with it without ever considering to question it or to assess whether it is doing us more harm than good! Quite often than not we are our own worst enemies!  We have the self awareness on occasions to recognize that if we spend too much time with negative people then it has a negative effect on us and our mood and so we decide to distance ourselves from them but we rarely listen to what we are saying to ourselves!  Sadly most of us are our biggest critics and the ones who are the most unkind to us. You make a mis...
Read more

You will get over the breakup

-
Image
The first time I experienced the end of a relationship I thought that I would never get over it or would I ever survive from the pain of my broken heart.. I thought my world had ended and all anyone could say to me was you will get over it in time but I didn't believe them and it was of no help or comfort to me whatsoever as how could they possibly know that! However they were right and in time I did get over it.. Since then I have found myself in that very same situation time and time again but even in the knowledge that I did get over it once before when I really thought that I wouldn't, every time I have found myself in this situation again, I still have the same feelings of I will never get over it as this time it is different from before! However with time yet again I do get over it! So how do we get over it? The loss of a relationship is very similar to the grieving process in that we mourn for the loss of that relationship and all the hopes and dreams we onc...
Read more

Liar Liar! Pants on Fire!

-
Image
One of my all time pet hates is lies and I just hate being lied to and the only thing I hate more than this is myself if I  have lied to someone else! There are three things that I dislike about being deceived by another; The lie The lying  The liar If only your pants could spontaneously combust when caught in a lie.... it would be a great deterrent and make it so much easier to spot a liar! So what is a lie? Well according to Wikipedia; "A lie is a statement that the stating party believes to be false and that is made with the intention to deceive. The practice of communicating lies is called lying, and a person who communicates a lie may be termed a liar. Lies may be employed to serve a variety of instrumental, interpersonal, or psychological functions for the individuals who use them. Generally, the term "lie" carries a negative connotation, and depending on the context a person who communicates a lie may be subject to social, legal, religious, or cri...
Read more

Don't fear fear!

-
Image
 Fear!!  You cant live with it and you can't live without it! Fear is the emotion that we all fear! .... Yep I'm stating the bloody obvious and attempting to be funny at the same time.... oh well, cue the tumble weed.. but I will try to redeem myself and not get my coat just yet! So that old devil called fear. What's it all about? Well fear, believe it or not, is actually a positive emotion that is designed to protect us and when we feel it, it gives us a strength to override all other feelings in favour of the natural instincts that are in us all to ensure that we automatically respond to protect ourselves from the perceived threat in one of three ways; Freeze Flight  Fight  To feel fear means that you must have some hope that you can survive the danger that you are faced with! When you have no hope of escaping from the threat then you will accept this and fear will not be triggered in you. But... Yes there is always a but! The problem...
Read more

Whats one certainty in life we can be sure will always happen and will never change?

-
Image
Oh the irony of it! The answer is;  (drum roll please ... ...................) CHANGE!  Of course.. (and I dont mean coins) “Change is the only constant in life.” – Heraclitus Although many seem to  dislike or fear change, 'a change is gonna come' as Ella Fitzgerald sings so beautifully. That's just how it is! Nothing stays the same and can never be the same as it was before again. Everything is constantly changing! Everything around us and every one of us. Buddhism teaches us that everything is fluid and  temporary, including the  bad times so to accept it as it is and go with the flow of life! For many people the idea of being in control of their own lives and making changes is a frightening concept and so they prefer to do nothing believing that they will remain the same. Whether or not, you want to change, you are going to change so surely it's better to make the changes you choose to make that can benefit you rather th...
Read more

The key to having a good relationship! Whatever!

-
Image
Well who the hell knows what a good relationship looks like as one size fits all can not possibly apply in this case for something so unique to two people who are deeply in love with each other and in a relationship with their soulmate who is perfect for them and only them!  Right? Whatever!!  I say this in a way that is not as flippant as you may think as what I mean is to a degree whatever you truly feel is right for you in a relationship may well be right as not everyone is of healthy mind so what is deemed to be a healthy relationship will almost certainly not be right for those who are screwed up which to be fair is of a higher percentage than those who are certified as sane! Or should I say were sane before they fell crazy in love! I will admit that over the years my idea of what makes a good relationship has changed from one extreme to the other, has turned inside out, upside down, gone far left then right and has done a 360 degree turn so many times that I ha...
Read more

Let others take responsibility

-
Image
Responsibility  is an important  value  to teach because no one can succeed in life if they are not  responsible . ... Without  responsibility , they will leave things undone and get in trouble. Many people believe that by taking responsibility and sorting out the issues on behalf of the people who they care about is their duty if they are in a position to do so and if they are able to sort out everything they can for this person without having to let it impact them or even cause a ripple in that person's life then they will have done right by them. 'Guilty'!!! Being the eldest of four siblings, this is something that I have done regularly over the years and I still find it hard to back off at times even to this day despite my siblings all being in their forties now! The need to take responsibility for others comes from a place of caring and wanting to make it easier for others so the motives for this are often sincere (if not a little cont...
Read more