Innocent or Guilty!

Believe it or not, many people are very easy to read when it comes down to trying to find out whether they have betrayed you in a relationship by the way they react when they are presented with your concerns about the situation that has caused you to doubt them enough to question it! 

However this very much depends upon the way you go about it!

Despite the overwhelming desire to rush in on a whim and act on impulse in these situations, this is not usually the most conducive way to get to the truth and you have to be smart about it and keep your emotions under control just long enough for you to get your head around it all by listening to your gut instinct and then gathering some evidence that points to your doubts having some substance to make you understand the reasons why your gut feeling is telling you that something is not quite right! 

I am totally convinced that you can always trust your own instincts when they are trying to alert you to the fact that something is not right but it's up to you to make sense of it and work out what exactly is causing your inner self to warn you that you are sensing that something is off and this is not always the bit that we get right which is why you should not jump to conclusions or think the worst and why you have to ask yourself the right questions to be able to formulate the questions that you need answers for from your partner! These answers you will not get if you steam in all guns blazing and throwing accusations at them based on what you think and not what you know! Once you have asked them the right questions in the right way then you will know if they are hiding something or not!


Do bare in mind that the innocent would not deliberately put themselves into a situation where they thought that their partner would not be happy about it and so if you did then express concerns about it in a non accusational way, then the innocent would hear you out and try to understand why you had cause to doubt them and they would be readily able and willing to give you an explanation for why they feel they have done nothing wrong and be sympathetic about your reasons why you have drawn the conclusions that you have and will do whatever it takes to alleviate your fears and insecurities by taking the time to talk it all through and answer any questions you need to ask. They will probably be surprised by the way you have been made to feel by them for a situation that they have seen as totally harmless and they will not feel good about it if they have caused you unnecessary pain and worry about something that they saw no malice in as no partner who is innocent will want you to feel insecure and doubt them over something that was insignificant to them! They will have no need to justify themselves as being right but every need to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about! The answers they give to your questions will flow freely without hesitation and will make sense without any contradictions and not be met with a question about why you have asked it!

However a guilty person will tend to be defensive straight away to being asked questions even when they are asked in a non confrontational and non accusational manner. They will not be willing to understand why you feel that way or why you are asking them questions and will often belittle your concerns and make light of it and even may try and make you feel guilty for thinking that way as if you are the one who has offended them or they may even twist it and bring up something else that you have done to hurt them. A guilty person will justify themselves as doing nothing wrong and rather than reassure you that you have nothing to worry about to alleviate your feelings they will want you to reassure them that you believe them and that you are wrong without having to answer your questions or to offer you anything more than an overview of the situation and then wanting you to move on and let it go which if you don't and continue to ask questions, these will be met with agitation and questions about your lack of faith and trust in them designed to make you feel guilty for doubting them as well as deny you the right to feel the way you feel about it all because if you persist in wanting answers they will become annoyed by it and probably even makes threats that they will leave or will just walk out anyway as they will say that they have already told you everything and don't see any point in dragging it all up again! They will also feel threatened and say that you have accused them unfairly when you have done nothing more than ask them a few questions!

The key to getting to the truth is by not making any accusations and by asking questions in a non confrontational and non judgemental way regardless of how much the situation points to a betrayal by them.

More often than not if you accuse an innocent person because you have jumped to conclusions and you have thought the worst of them and berated them for it before giving them the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to explain themselves then you will probably be met with a reaction that you can wrongly mistake as them being guilty because they will be defensive as noone likes to be wrongly accused by a loved one as it hurts when you have done nothing wrong and yet the person who you expect to trust you and who should know you better than to think that you are capable of doing something that you have not done, was not willing to just ask you before deciding that you have definitely betrayed them. Even worse, it may even make them suspect that perhaps you are capable of doing it if you can think such things and go so far as accusing them of it as they say that the things that others accuse you of doing are usually because they are doing it!

• The best way to get to the truth is by asking them for an explanation before you make any accusations! The innocent will respond to this positively and will answer your questions and the guilty will still be defensive and answer your questions with a question and accuse you of accusing them!