Why I see little value in seeking advice from friends

From an early age I learned to make my own decisions. This was initially not through choice but by necessity as I was the oldest of four children who were brought up by a single mother who had no time for added pressures and woes or any interest in the petty problems that as children we were facing as she had enough on her plate raising the four of us alone whilst consumed with hatred for our father who she divorced when he allegedly had an affair with her niece (her sisters daughter who would babysit us).

Not only could I not burden her further with my issues, I had to step up and help her with hers by taking the pressure off by assisting her to raise my younger siblings which meant dealing with their day to day problems rather than my mother having to!

As strange as this may seem, it's something that I now see as a blessing to have learned from such an early age that I can deal with my own decisions about my problems and alone I am able to decide what I need and want to do in life.

It was a necessity that I now see as my preference!

However I have been criticised for dealing with my own problems and making decisions by myself over the years by many friends who are of the opinion that it's not healthy to do this alone and some friends have even been hurt that I felt like I could not go to them for help and that somehow they had failed me as a friend because I thought I couldn't approach them so I had to deal with it all by myself..

when I tell them that I know that I could have gone to them but I didn't feel the need to because I wanted to deal with it myself, I hear the same old cliches about 'a problem shared being a problem halved'! 'That's what friends are for!' 'It's good to talk'! Blah blah blah!

Usually the final prognosis is its because of my childhood and it's not healthy!

Many moons ago I was actually swayed by this opinion, thinking that perhaps it was not normal, so I tried to do it their way!

Well I can tell you that it only confirmed that I was far better off dealing with the issues I had by myself as all it did to seek advice from others was confuse me and prolong me in reaching the conclusion that was right for me.

Now I stick to the formula that works for me which is contemplate the problem or decision I to make, weigh up the pros and cons, think about what I want and what's right for me and not what's right for me because it's the safest, most logical or expected solution! When I am totally sure that I have found the best possible outcome for me, I then will tell people who need to know about the problem or decision I have been dealing with and my solution to it which I usually have already put in place or started to implement.

This means that any attempts to confuse me now by others saying 'have you thought about this or that' I can cut off at the quick as I have made my decision and its final!

So now I will give you the reasons why I see little benefit in seeking help from friends when it comes to making a decision or sorting a problem that I have;

Firstly the time it takes for me to explain in intracut detail about the exact nature of the dilemma and in words that are relevant to the person I am talking to is time that I see as wasted when I could be spending it finding the answers myself as I am fully aware of the intracut details of it all already!

Every person who you seek advice from will give you a different answer and this can only ever be based upon their understanding of the issue, their own feelings about it based on their own experiences if any of the dilemma in hand. Their advice therefore being based on what they would do in that situation but they are not you and are not in that situation!

Some people may genuinely believe that they have your best interests at heart when they give you their advice but this advice is from their perspective and they are not you and therefore their priorities in life may dictate how they would need to react in the situation.

Some people sadly don't have your best interests at heart and will not give you advice that is in your best interest but advice that they hope will hinder you or keep you from succeeding if you choose to follow it. Their motives being selfish and about what's best for them and not what's best for you!







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