TAMMY WRITES LIFE

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Self talk! Inner dialogue! Internal speech! Voice in your head! Inner monologue!  Whatever you choose to call it, we all have this voice going on inside our head every single second of our lives but despite this constant inner dialogue many of us are not really aware of it consciously or do we actually take the time to even listen properly to how we self talk!   We just accept what we are saying to ourselves and just go with it without ever considering to question it or to assess whether it is doing us more harm than good! Quite often than not we are our own worst enemies!  We have the self awareness on occasions to recognize that if we spend too much time with negative people then it has a negative effect on us and our mood and so we decide to distance ourselves from them but we rarely listen to what we are saying to ourselves!  Sadly most of us are our biggest critics and the ones who are the most unkind to us. You make a mistake for instance,  so y

When you set personal boundaries these must be in areas that you have total conviction and believe in because they are important to you and at the very centre of your core values upon which you live your life. Therefore they need to be strong and apply to everyone who you allow into your life and things that you are not prepared to compromise on. For example if you value honesty then you will set a personal boundary that you will not accept being lied to by another and the consequences for them doing so is that you will cut them out of your life. To feel confident about setting personal boundaries you must ensure that these things really matter to you, know why they matter to you and be clear about what the consequences are should these boundaries be crossed. Lastly for you to set boundaries that you expect to be honoured then you will have to be able to respect and honour these things in your conduct with others as you cannot have double standards when it comes to

I know it's an old cliche but you have to be able to love and trust yourself first. When you can do this then you will know that you will always be able to rely upon yourself to get through anything and you will take responsibility for your own life and happiness therefore you don't have to take any unnecessary risks to invest all your love and trust in another to make you happy. Being able to trust yourself and your ability to make the important decisions in life that are right for you will mean that you will not have any need to trust or rely upon others with the big things in life which will make it less scary because you will only be willing to and need to trust them with the little things initially that will not have a major impact on you should they prove to be untrustworthy as you will have managed damage limitation and know not to trust them again with no real harm done. Those that prove they are worthy of your trust and love you will be able to give further

The first time I experienced the end of a relationship I thought that I would never get over it or would I ever survive from the pain of my broken heart.. I thought my world had ended and all anyone could say to me was you will get over it in time but I didn't believe them and it was of no help or comfort to me whatsoever as how could they possibly know that! However they were right and in time I did get over it.. Since then I have found myself in that very same situation time and time again but even in the knowledge that I did get over it once before when I really thought that I wouldn't, every time I have found myself in this situation again, I still have the same feelings of I will never get over it as this time it is different from before! However with time yet again I do get over it! So how do we get over it? The loss of a relationship is very similar to the grieving process in that we mourn for the loss of that relationship and all the hopes and dreams we onc

 Fear!!  You cant live with it and you can't live without it! Fear is the emotion that we all fear! .... Yep I'm stating the bloody obvious and attempting to be funny at the same time.... oh well, cue the tumble weed.. but I will try to redeem myself and not get my coat just yet! So that old devil called fear. What's it all about? Well fear, believe it or not, is actually a positive emotion that is designed to protect us and when we feel it, it gives us a strength to override all other feelings in favour of the natural instincts that are in us all to ensure that we automatically respond to protect ourselves from the perceived threat in one of three ways; Freeze Flight  Fight  To feel fear means that you must have some hope that you can survive the danger that you are faced with! When you have no hope of escaping from the threat then you will accept this and fear will not be triggered in you. But... Yes there is always a but! The problem is tha

Well who the hell knows what a good relationship looks like as one size fits all can not possibly apply in this case for something so unique to two people who are deeply in love with each other and in a relationship with their soulmate who is perfect for them and only them!  Right? Whatever!!  I say this in a way that is not as flippant as you may think as what I mean is to a degree whatever you truly feel is right for you in a relationship may well be right as not everyone is of healthy mind so what is deemed to be a healthy relationship will almost certainly not be right for those who are screwed up which to be fair is of a higher percentage than those who are certified as sane! Or should I say were sane before they fell crazy in love! I will admit that over the years my idea of what makes a good relationship has changed from one extreme to the other, has turned inside out, upside down, gone far left then right and has done a 360 degree turn so many times that I have wanted

Believe it or not, many people are very easy to read when it comes down to trying to find out whether they have betrayed you in a relationship by the way they react when they are presented with your concerns about the situation that has caused you to doubt them enough to question it!  However this very much depends upon the way you go about it! Despite the overwhelming desire to rush in on a whim and act on impulse in these situations, this is not usually the most conducive way to get to the truth and you have to be smart about it and keep your emotions under control just long enough for you to get your head around it all by listening to your gut instinct and then gathering some evidence that points to your doubts having some substance to make you understand the reasons why your gut feeling is telling you that something is not quite right!  I am totally convinced that you can always trust your own instincts when they are trying to alert you to the fact that something is not rig

Noone likes to be disliked and it can be painful but you have to accept that not everyone is going to like you which is easier to do when you like who you are and are being true to yourself. By all means do take a look at yourself if you find that this is happening more often than it should and give yourself a reality check and if you believe that you may need to tweak a few things here and there to be able to remain true to yourself then so be it but don't change who you are just to try and please others to be liked. Instead accept the differences and be grateful that you are not a people pleaser who has compromised themselves to be liked and has to seek validation from others to feel happy about themselves! Most of the time the reason why others don't like you is more about them and their insecurities and issues than it is about you! Don't waste time trying to make them change their mind and like you and instead use that time to find someone else who doe

One of my all time pet hates is lies and I just hate being lied to and the only thing I hate more than this is myself if I  have lied to someone else! There are three things that I dislike about being deceived by another; The lie The lying  The liar If only your pants could spontaneously combust when caught in a lie.... it would be a great deterrent and make it so much easier to spot a liar! So what is a lie? Well according to Wikipedia; "A lie is a statement that the stating party believes to be false and that is made with the intention to deceive. The practice of communicating lies is called lying, and a person who communicates a lie may be termed a liar. Lies may be employed to serve a variety of instrumental, interpersonal, or psychological functions for the individuals who use them. Generally, the term "lie" carries a negative connotation, and depending on the context a person who communicates a lie may be subject to social, legal, religious, or cri

From an early age I learned to make my own decisions. This was initially not through choice but by necessity as I was the oldest of four children who were brought up by a single mother who had no time for added pressures and woes or any interest in the petty problems that as children we were facing as she had enough on her plate raising the four of us alone whilst consumed with hatred for our father who she divorced when he allegedly had an affair with her niece (her sisters daughter who would babysit us). Not only could I not burden her further with my issues, I had to step up and help her with hers by taking the pressure off by assisting her to raise my younger siblings which meant dealing with their day to day problems rather than my mother having to! As strange as this may seem, it's something that I now see as a blessing to have learned from such an early age that I can deal with my own decisions about my problems and alone I am able to decide what I need and want to d

TAMMY WRITES LIFE LIFE LESSONS FOR LIVING WELL SUBSCRIBE LIFE LESSON PAGES HOME   INTRODUCTION AND THE WHYS AND WHEREFORES THE PHRASES AND SAYINGS THAT ARE JUST BOLLOCKS REVENGE IS NOT SWEET AND NOT BETTER SERVED COLD! LET IT GO! HOW WELL DO YOU REALLY KNOW YOURSELF? WHAT'S YOUR LIFE STORY? RELIGION STILL HAS SOME VALUE, WHY THE SEVEN DEADL... WHY I SEE LITTLE VALUE IN SEEKING ADVICE FROM FRIE... BEWARE OF NARCISSISTS!   THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING KINDNESS IS NOT A WEAKNESS! The only person that you can ever rely on As sad as it may seem at first, what life has taught me is that the only person that you can ever rely on is yourself! Thats not to say that there will not be times when someone else may be there for you but if you pin all your hopes on this being the case then it will almost certainly lead to disappointment! But hey, look on the bright side! Once you